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When you look closely at your daily life, do you see balance? Do you experience all areas in your life getting nearly equal attention? Are you meeting your personal as well as professional needs? Or, do you feel pulled more in one direction than another? Do you feel depleted or exhausted as you move through your day? Do you feel like you never catch up and want a 48 hour day?
So often most of us give and give and give in one primary area of our life and the other areas fall by the wayside. For many, it’s the career that gets the attention or it’s the children that come first with no time for what comes second, third or fourth. For some, it’s health and beauty (how many days do you visit the gym and/or go shopping??) For others, it might be the couch, the TV and a bag of chips.
A client of mine asked me how I have such a balanced life. The truth is - I don’t always. Sure, some days are better than others. I have to pay close attention to my choices and the length of time I commit to each. What am I leaving out? What took up way too much time? What happened that came out of left field that became priority number 1? There’s a line that goes: “Life is what happens while you’re making other plans.” We have to be prepared for the unexpected and re-balance our day or week or month, depending on the unexpected event(s) that took place.
My mom recently went into the hospital, putting most everything on hold. It took a few weeks to get back into the swing of things once she was well and back home. After all, I had to recover too. My equilibrium, my rhythm had been thrown off. That’s what happens when we’re pulled out of our automated zone of functioning, our version of “normal.” But our flexibility and resilience is what is important. Do what you have to do to bring yourself back to center. I find I must go to spirit first. Take quiet time to calm my body and mind down. Then I can refocus and begin to see – with clarity and ease – what are those things that need to be addressed first. I have created a “launch point.”
DAILY BALANCING ACTS
Life is about balls constantly dropping, picking them up and trying the juggling act again. Everyday is another opportunity to try again. The best bet is to only pick up a few balls at a time. Don’t try to do everything everyday or focus exclusively on one area of your life. In order to do more than survive, in order to thrive we must create a healthy balance, make nourishing choices, learn to say “no,” and pace ourselves. There are no superwomen or supermen. Sure, you may be an “alpha” woman and able to multi-task from morning to night. Or, you may have enough money to pay others to take care of many of the “tasks” that we’d usually do ourselves. Or you may be the type that finds it difficulty to organize your thoughts or your life, only getting a few tasks done a day and wondering why you couldn’t do more.
So, what’s the secret? What is the solution?
· Part of the answer is being honest with ourselves….really looking with true clarity at what our lives entail and how we can best serve ourselves so that we can have healthy, happy and successful lives. How do we do this? Some of it requires a paper and pencil (or the computer) and creating a list of all of our responsibilities, wants and needs; deciding how much time is designated for each; eliminating excessive tasks; creating “down time” for rejuvenation. Balance means just that…giving equal time to all of our needs – emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, familial, professional. Where are we giving too much (and why)? What is getting ignored? (Hint: we usually sacrifice times of silence or relaxation or play in lieu of the cyclonic actions of taking care of the rest of the world.) By taking our “to do” lists out of our heads and putting these things on paper, we gain greater clarity and can more easily prioritize our to do’s.
· Another part of the answer is to IGNORE what others are doing. Stop comparing yourself to others. Many of us have a tendency to see an “alpha” friend zipping through their life and assuming we should be able to do as they do. They’re NOT doing it all…there is definitely imbalance somewhere in their lives – after all, they are human. They have their own rhythm. If you’re an alpha male or female, you too need balance, and the understanding that slowing down or pacing yourself, does not mean stopping. For those of us that aren’t, we need to stop seeing the alpha-way as the only way or the better way.
· Assuming you’ve identified all the major needs you have in your life (see item 1), be realistic and also be your own parent. By this I mean, with a detached but loving eye, look at your life and see where you’re not getting enough and where you’re giving too much. What area(s) of your life get ignored, postponed, procrastinated about. What area(s) of your life seem to be the focal point(s)? If you could parent yourself, what would you tell yourself? What would you immediately change? What would you do so that you were as healthy as you could be, as happy as you could be, create as much space for growth, for nurturing, for healing, for playing? Remember, if you’re running on fumes you’re no good to anyone else, let alone yourself. It is imperative that you take care of yourself FIRST. I’m sure you’ve heard flight attendants tell you that if you are in an emergency situation and the oxygen masks drop down, put your mask on first before you tend to your child(ren). If you can’t breathe, you’ll be no help to anyone else. This is also true in your daily life.
· So, whether you have children, a career, or just a very busy life, make sure to take care of your personal needs first, taking care to nourish the body (with food, exercise, silent time and sleep), the mind (fun and stimulating conversations with friends, reading, etc.), and the spirit (meditation, breathwork, yoga, journaling, workshops, service). Create space for a balanced life. It is more possible than you know…and it’s essential for your health and wellbeing. You’re worth it.
© 2005 Rebecca L. Spath
For more information on balancing your life, contact Rebecca Spath of Breathing Room Living. breathingroom@bigplanet.com
